9 Signs You’re Dealing With a F*ckboy

I will be the first to say that dating is hard. And if you’ve ever had the displeasure of dating in Vancouver then I would say it is even harder. This post was triggered by a recent experience that inspired me to share what I learned when dealing with a low key f*ckboy.

I wrote this because I feel fed up with how often this sort of thing happens and continues to happen. This post is for the women out there who have good intentions when it comes to dating and still get played more often than they should.

F*ckboys aren’t always easy to spot given they are highly skilled in the art of bullsh*t, and sometimes their behaviour offers just enough tangible possibility for it to be believable. As a millennial women I realized I have grown accustomed to men putting in minimal effort. I recently found myself praising small gestures men would say or do. Actions that I would consider to be a form of common courtesy for most people. I also realized I am no longer okay with being treated this way and neither should you.

By no means am I saying that I am an expert when it comes to spotting a player. These are just some of the lessons I have learned and some of the signs I have noticed. I hope that the lessons I have learned through my personal experiences will benefit you next time you have that gut feeling that something isn’t right with the person you are seeing.

Trust your gut.

Below are 9 Red Flags that you might be dealing with a f*ckboy.

🚩 # 1: He slides into your Instagram DM’s. Ladies, this is not a cute gesture. This is where you keep things classy and  politely say, “thanks” and then proceed to delete his conversation when you see whatever shallow compliment he’s given you.

🚩 # 2: He only offers to take you out for drinks. I would propose suggesting a casual dinner or coffee date to see how he reacts to the change of plans with a non-drinking activity. He might spice things up and actually agree to take you on a thoughtful date. Be appreciative but keep your guard up.

🚩 # 3: He frequently drunk texts you to tell you how much he “wishes you were here.” Unless you’re already dating,  there is no good reason he is messaging you at 2am to tell you that he misses you. And according to How I Met Your Mother, nothing good happens after 2am, so do not encourage this behaviour.

🚩 # 4: He texts you everyday asking you different variations of: “How are you” “What’s Up? How’s it going? What are you up to? “Are you free today?” but never actually engages in an intelligent conversation with you. This is a move of an experienced player. Possibly one who has had a serious girlfriend in the past. He will put in a lot of effort into texting and go to great lengths to ensure he is saying the minimal things to keep you strung along. Pay attention to this because he will slip up. Example: at the beginning of getting to know each other he would start with texting you “Good Morning” or “Hey Beautiful” consistently and then suddenly he’ll stop and will no longer make an effort in this way.

🚩 # 5: He Never Defines The Relationship (“DTR”). I would recommend take initiative early on and establish clear boundaries. This avoids potential surprises down the road. It also saves you a lot of time thinking about “where is this going?” or “what are we?” From personal experience, if nothing is defined within the first two months then it’s likely that you two are just a casual thing.

🚩 # 6: He only offers some light information about himself, but nothing really tangible. Your questions go unanswered, you never met his friends, and you are generally in the dark about his past and present. This is where you have to get creative. Challenge him by showing him that you aren’t going to let this behaviour go unnoticed. If you share something personal then ask him the same question back. Also, chances are if he doesn’t introduce you to his friends within the first two months things are pretty casual.

🚩 # 7: He does the bare minimum to keep you around and usually only sees you once a week, inviting you over to his place. Again, he is stringing you along and is probably texting or seeing multiple girls at the same time.

🚩 # 8: He likes to talk about himself and makes little effort in getting to know you. At the beginning he says all the right things and makes you feel excited that he’s taking an interest in you. After a while he only starts to talk about himself. This is where you realize that he is never going to put your needs first.

🚩 # 9: He ignores, avoids and or pulls away when having to answer any questions that make him uncomfortable. This can include but is not limited to: “Are you seeing other people?”, “When can I meet your friends?” etc… This is a classic f*ckboy move who leads you on, breadcrumbs or ghosts you, but never actually makes his intentions clear with you.

There you have it, the 9 signs of a f*ckboy!

I’m not saying these men are bad people, but they do need to be taught that it is not okay to treat anyone this way. Being respected and appreciated is one of the two things I value most and I always strive to treat others as how you want to be treated.